Fifty Shades of Grey has got to be the most misrepresented book I have ever read.

With the Fifty Shades of Grey movie being released in February, I have to reminisce on the Fifty Shades Trilogy. And my conclusion was? The Fifty Shades Trilogy has to be the most misrepresented book that I have ever read.

As I sat down and picked up the first book of the 3, I was expecting a raunchy, bad-ass story, because that’s what all the hype was about. But as I finished the last book I felt I had read a whiny, girly, pathetic and anti-climactic love story.

Then why did I read all 3 books you ask? I have no idea. After the first book I thought well, I better read the second book because that can’t be all there is to the story – something else has got to happen. After I read the second I thought well now I’ve read 2 out of 3, I had some compulsive need to finish what I had started. I was self-inflicting pain forcing my eyes to scan over those trivial words and sentences, in an effort to keep up with pop-culture. If you’re wondering whether to read it or not, know this now – nothing happens.

But well, I have to admit, there was obviously a market for this kind of story. The publishing company Random House sold more than 70 million editions globally between March and December 2012, which made it the quickest selling series in the company’s history. 70 million editions in in 10 months.

The protagonist, Anastasia Steele, has got to be the most frustratingly, weak, cringe-worthy and naïve student who meets a wealthy, misogynist CEO Christian Grey, who awakens her sexually by dominating her. And that’s about it. The rest of the storyline is completely trivial and ant-climatic.

Okay, let’s discuss the trivial, pathetic arguments between Christian and Ana, which start over Christian’s compulsive need to control.

In the first novel, when the two barely knew each other and after one sort of, kind of date, Ana calls Christian when she is at the pub with a few friends after they finished uni. She’s had a few drinks and hung up on Christian. He started to worry about her, tracked her phone and took her home. He was pissed she drank too much. His smothering demeanour made me hate him instantly.

In the book Fifty Shades Freed, Christian is out of town and Anastasia sneaks out to the pub to have a drink with her friend. In the meantime, her old boss Jack came to her work with the intention of kidnapping and assaulting Ana. Christian was absolutely furious at Ana for going out when he wanted her home. And this pathetic, trivial argument went on for pages and pages and even more fucking pages.

I have a real issue with dominant and controlling Christian was over Anastasia. This sort of relationship cannot seriously be accepted by any self-respecting, feminist woman. I think their relationship condones violence against women. The way that Christian wants to dominate Anastasia in the bedroom, with her time, money and who she sees only represents to me an unhealthy verbally and physically abusive man. She needs to compromise her personality and character to be with him which makes me lose all respect for her. She agrees to marry him and have his kids with the absurd notion that she can fix him. And Anastasia loved this.

The repetition in this book made me so incredibly bored I had a compulsion to drill a hole through my brain. From the first book Fifty Shades of Grey:

‘You’re biting that lip, Anastasia. You know the effect it has on me…’

‘I bite my bottom lip…’

‘deliberately I gently bite my bottom lip…’

‘I realise I’m biting my lip…’

‘I bite my lip in anticipation…’

‘I bite my lip and stare down at my hands again…’

‘I try to bite my lip…’

‘“I’d like to bite that lip,” he whispers darkly…’

‘I am chewing my bottom lip…’

Is that enough to prove my point? That’s definitely not all of the lip references and that’s just from the first book. This brain-dead lip obsession carries on throughout the entire series, and reading this made me want to smash my head against a wooden board.

I am curious how this frustrating storyline will translate to a film, with this dysfunctional relationship glaring us in the face.

So overall, I guess I’d recommend this book to women who want to submit and understand why someone would want to be dominated by a man. It’s for the type of woman who wants to be silenced from a man, who makes all their decisions for her. This book is ideal for women who fall in love with trivial, unhealthy relationships and love to argue with men over petty issues.

I’d give this book a measly 1 out of 5 stars.

 

 

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